she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come share oat with me in your robe
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
