i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A bitchslap is in order.
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