you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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