so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
