he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
