Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
