We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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