I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
