I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
