If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
