i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
