i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
