Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
