Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
