as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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