if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
