I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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