it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
