lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
