Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
