ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
