Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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