Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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