I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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