Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
