also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
