If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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