Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
