every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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