Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
