I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
