On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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