the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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