well I can't set my house on fire every night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
