"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
