Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
