Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
