it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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