Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
