9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The air taste purple.
Randomize
