sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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