If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
