And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
