Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
