I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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