Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
