Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
