Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I lost the right to judge tonight
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
