Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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