ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
